Sorry for the wait since my last post, but it's only been 5 days and the Lord has already broke more chains that I've put on myself than I could ever imagine.

First, I wanted to get started with how I haven't been able to hear God's voice for so long. God isn't mad at me, I've just put barriers between us and our relationship.

Before I tell you how the Lord spoke to me, I want to share the last time I have heard His voice.

One night I was praying to God because donations were not coming in how I would like it. Notice how I said, how "I" would like it. It became clear that money was my main priority and God wasn't. All I will say is, the Lord provided $3,000, because that night was crazy.

I'll do another post (next week) on how God had to became a clear focus to fundraise.

That night was the last time I heard His voice...

I started crying out to God just to listen to my prayers again but I had that order wrong. This deep voice YELLED at me. This voice just said shut up! I was overwhelmed and my heart started racing.

I trying to talk but nothing would come out...

So I listened and all I could think was;

Jesus...

Jesus...

Jesus...

Through me listening, I learned how many barriers I've put up, and how I don't know how to express my emotions.

I didn't even know how to express;

laughter. joy. sadness.

Last night our squad decided to do worship. If I just say that night was powerful would be an understatement. We could all feel the Holy Spirit was in the room and I started worshipping like I've never done before.

As we were coming to the end, I decided to be selfish and ask God for my emotions.

Ask God for laughter.

Ask God for joy.

Ask God for sadness.

I lost strength and started crying and then the Holy Spirit was telling my teammate Jack to come pray for me. Once he said, "Jesus you love him." I lost it. Snot was coming down my nose and started crying like I've never had before. I was so sad but so happy.

This is because God is crazy for choosing someone like me to deliver God's word.